Mel's Crazy World

Thanksgiving

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:02:14 GMT

So, This year I spent Thanksgiving at Craig's house, and I was pleasantly surprised at how relaxing it was and how much I enjoyed it. I think the troubles Craig and I were having before he lost his job are resolved, but we are definetly not without our issues to work out. I really feel like we are becoming closer as a couple though. Maybe closer than we've ever been.

In other news, I have a lot of stuff to do. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. It's not the busy sort of work Clarkson gave. It's much harder in that each assignment may take 24-48 hours total to finish and requires me to sit and think, which in turn makes me feel like I've accomplished nothing. I also have a final exam this week and the professor hasn't been in for three weeks. I have no idea what will be on the final or how to study for it. Talk about frustrating.

I will be buying a car in the spring! How exciting! I am still searching for the exact type of car I want but Craig's been helping me with figuring out what I can afford and where I should look. I'm turning into a real grownup, yikes!!

Well off to tackle at least some of the pile of work in front of me,

Mel

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:54:48 GMT

So, it's November. It doesn't feel like November, it's been 60s and 70s and sunny all the time, Indiana is wierd. I miss snow and cold and winter, and I even miss Potsdam. I've been feeling odd lately, like I'm unhappy but at the same time have nothing to be unhappy about. I've decided I'm just missing so many things I'd gotten used to and I don't know how to fill that gap.

Anyways, Craig lost his job this Monday. He's pretty happy about it though, cause his boss was ruining his life. And our relationship was suffering cause he'd been grumpy for a whole three months. Hopefully now things will get better. I'm worried that he's not going to find a new one and will stay on unemployment and not want to move out of his parent's house in May cause he hasn't saved enough money to move. Oh well, We'll see how it goes.

School is going well, I'm struggling to find classes to fit my schedule for next semester. My plans with Argonne are also moving along. I am having trouble getting motivated to do any real work though. I think it's cause I have too much free time. If I had more to do, I could say to myslef, "no, you need to get this done now, cause there won't be time later" but I know that there will be time later and until that time crunch is on, I do nothing, or nearly nothing. I need the pressure of a deadline.

Off to take a nap, cause I have time,

Mel

Argonne

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:07:26 GMT

On Friday I had my visit to Argonne National Laboratory and it was awesome. The people there were so excited to have a graduate student come visit, you would think they never had any graduate students wanting to work with them. It makes me wonder why I never was able to get an undergraduate internship, if they're so eager for students to work with. Oh well thats past. In good news, I've selected a project and its pretty much a sure thing that I will be working there this summer on it. If anyone's interested I will be working on some aspect of the pyroprocessing process. Its used to reprocess the spent fuel from fast reactors. So it is inline with my career goals as well. There has also been a lot of talk about me staying on at Argonne after my PhD is completed as well, which is exciting and exactly what I wanted. Basically the world is being awesome to Mel rght now. It's sorta making me wonder when the other shoe is going to drop.

In other news, things with Craig have been less than stellar. His job is putting him under a lot of stress and it's beginning to affect our relationship. I got a call from him today though saying that a big project they have been working on has just been shipped and that he is feeling much better. Maybe when i visit at thanksgiving and we celebrate our 4 year anniversary things will get better.

Well that's that for now

Danni: I am going to take you up on editing those essays ASAP. I just have to get them to a point where I am happy with the content. They are all due Nov. 12th, so pretty soon I should be emailing you copies, p.s. what is your email, hahaha.

Much love,

Mel

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 22:26:12 GMT

SO it's about time to update again,

Purdue is awesome as ever, this week is Green week! It's pretty exciting, my building is having a paper recycling competition between the floors and tommorrow is shower in the fountains on campus day. They are also opening the new green roof on one of the academic buildings, its like a little garden up there that's supposed to add to the energy efficiency of the building and give students an extra space for relaxing, its even got picnic tables. Also fun fact, fifty percent of the buses in the cities of Lafayette and West Lafayette are electric. Pretty cool!

I attended an Energy Summit in Indianapolis last Friday and that was really cool. We got to listen to a bunch of political people make fools out of themselves. I don't know what they were thinking, they invite all these really smart kids from colleges all over the area and then expect to lecture them on the best ways to go green as if we didn't know. They looked like fools up there when we asked them the tough questions and they had no answer. But they also invited alot of really interesting companies to their information fair and that part was actually useful. The nuke department from purdue even got to put up a booth and talk to people about the reality of nuclear power. I'm pretty sure we convinced alot of people. After the conference my friend Jessica and I went and explored Indianapolis abit. It was fun we ate pastries and listened to some church choir sing at the capital and then we went and ate dinner at an awesome italian restaraunt.

Also in exciting news, craig is going to visit this weekend and we are going to the Purdue vs. NotreDame football game, maybe you'll see us on TV. I'm just excited to see him, but it should be cool to experience a big ten football game. And then in two weeks, I have fall break and am going to see Craig again. So I'm pretty excited two visits within two weeks of each other!

The work load around here is not picking up as I had hoped it would, and I'm astonished to find some of the professors I thought were only so-so good, are actually considered the best they have here. It is becoming apparent that the teaching staff at Clarkson is better than top-notch, its downright amazing. Also, Clarkson works its students way harder than Purdue! A surprising fact. I still feel abit lost in the friends arena, and can't get over the feeling that I am not doing enough academically, its just a different pace here.

As a side note, I am once again applying to the National Science Foundation Graduate Fellowship Program and could use some people to edit my essays, let me know if you'd be willing.

Well thats all for now, though thats quite a lot.

Mel

Settling back into the routine

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:02:29 GMT

So I've had my first week and a half of classes and its going well! I have one class where I think the teacher is slightly incompetent, but I geuss when you get to this level you run into that sometimes. My other class, I feel like the professor is really good, but not as good as my previous professor who taught the same material, so its dissapointing. My third class is writing skills for nuclear engineers, talk about a snore. I kinda feel bad though cause my advisor is the professor, so I should be enjoying her class. But come on, writing skills, if we made it this far we clearly know how to write. Overall the week's been good, not much homework which is disconcerting after Clarkson, where you got ten tons of homework on the first day, followed by ten more on the second and so on. I sort of feel overprepared. Which is good i suppose, there are worse things. lots of them.

In other news, I get to visit Craig in October yay!, and my advisor has arranged for her and I to go to Argonne National Lab to chat with some people there about my potential thesis topic and doing some work at the lab over the next summer or two. I'm very pumped about it. I mean this is the place I eventually want to work, as in for the rest of my career!! So exciting! So yup, thats whats up.

Much love,

Mel

Weekend before classes start!

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:42:10 GMT

So it's the weekend before classes start here at Purdue, and its gotten quite busy all of a sudden. It could be the 35,000 people moving onto campus or maybe its just the crazy weather we've been having, tornados and all.

But overall I'm really just incredibly bored waiting for classes to start. They start on Monday and I cannot wait to have homework and long-term assignments to get cracking on. I miss having so much work that my eyeballs fall out. I really do.

I' m missing Clarkson very much lately, I think its because right now if I was there I would have plenty to do, helping the new freshmen getting acclimated to campus and working out their classes and schedules. I really miss being able to help people.

Well the person who lives next door is cooking shrimp and it is making me want to hurl, so I must go find somewhere else to be for a while. Perhaps get something edible for lunch/brunch. I'll update more after I have some classes.

Mel

Purdue Rocks!

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:01:18 GMT

So,

I've been at purdue now a month and a half, and I absolutely love it. It's expanding my horizons and letting me try new things. I've tried, korean, Indian, Authentic Chinese HotPot and Middle Eastern cuisine, as well as attending Korean Karaoke, which is very different than American karaoke. My friends, like my experiences, are also growing more diverse. And I've gotten a new hairdo. I think its fair to say it's been a summer of firsts. I play board games with my new friends almost nightly and occasionally enjoy a weekend outing with them. My room here rocks and the school facilities are just awesome. My professor and I have outlined my next two years here and it's going to be very exciting. I may even be spending a summer at a national lab nearby. Iam going to visit Craig in a week and a half for a whole week, then I am coming back to start the semester!! So Exciting!

Well if you should want to visit, I would be ecstatic!

Mel

Purdue

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:52:45 GMT

So I'm doing much better than I was when I last posted. I am slowly making friends and Craig came to visit me and that was really nice. I feel confident now that he will still visit me here. Before this visit I wasn't convinced that he would, despite him telling me he would. I think that now though I'm sure he will and its helping a lot. I am enjoying the work here, but I'm having a motivation problem. I am very motivated when I've got tons to do, but when I just have alittle to do, I drag at it. I geuss I'm saying "pile on the work please!" which on most levels is sooo wrong. But thats me I geuss.

So yup things are good and I'm happy. If anyone is going to be out this way feel free to stop in and visit.

Much love,

Mel

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:27:26 GMT

So I am now at Purdue University, which is great. I love the school, my living arrangements couldn't be better and my professor is awesome. I've been walking everyday around the area trying to learn every nook and cranny. I've been off mountain dew now since my trip to the beach when I had one. I' m feeling healthy, I've been eating really well and all this would suggest that I should be pretty darn happy.

Most of the time I am, its just a bit lonely. I haven't made any friends yet and some things happened during the move that I can't think about without tearing up. Basically the shit hit the fan between Craig and my mom, and it almost resulted in my mom driving Craig away permenantley. Luckily, he loves me enough not to leave me for something my mother said or did. I think its fair to say that I'm angry with my mother for what she did/said. But I also know why she said them. I just wish there was a rewind button on life. Aside from that I am a little afraid of what the future holds, its just so open and unknown.

I'm also a little bitter at some of my freshmen from Clarkson. They insisted that I would make friends righ away and they didn't feel a need to make a big deal out of my leaving. It hurt. I invested a lot of time and emotion in them and they just brushed it off like it was nothing. I really miss the freshmen who did care and the ones who meant the most to me. I just wish they had been right about me making friends quickly. I think if I was busy with new friends maybe I wouldn't be so hurt and bitter about how I left Clarkson. I have a lot of regrets about my last week there. Its really sad.

Well thats enough tears for one evening.

Mel

Sat, 09 May 2009 08:01:20 GMT

So I graduate from honors tommorrow and Clarkson the day after that, and I can't sleep. I'm somewhere between nervous dread of going home and excitement at my achievements and my future. I really dont know whats going on but I know my stomach has been doing gymnastics all night.

I'm excited to see people when I'm home. But I'm not excited to be home if that makes sense. I just feel like its going to be very boring and tense. I dont want to leave clarkson, its my home and I am going to miss it very very very very much. *sigh*

I should try to sleep.

Much love, mel

life is catching up to me

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:38:18 GMT

So, I have decided that I will be going to Purdue. I will be home for about a month, from mid-may to mid-june. Then I'm off to begin my work there. Things here are wrapping up and fast. I can't keep up with it all. I'm some where between really sad to leave Clarkson and really excited to begin my career of choice. To be learning something that interests me everyday is sooo exciting. But I love Clarkson, I can't go anywhere on this campus without seeing at least five or six people I know. It's just such a great community to live and learn in. I have so many happy memories here too. I met my future husband here, pulled my first of many all-nighters, initiated the tradition of midnight walks and skirt thursdays. I feel safe and comfortable here. Maybe that's the sign that its time to move on, the fact that its gotten so comfortable.

Anyway, if people want to get together while I'm home let me know, as I'll be moving to Indiana indefinetly in June. And now its time to go work on my thesis presentation, design presentation, boundary value problems project and study for my quantum mechanics test at 4. Maybe not so much that last one.

Much Love,
Mel

crazy spring break

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 05:55:43 GMT

So it appears I will be using NH as a rest stop on my spring break travels! I will be driving into NH on Friday and spending Saturday at the DI meet with the little bro, its at Nashua South if anyone is interested. Then very early on Sunday morning I'm getting on a plane to Indiannapolis, where I will then travel to Purdue University and see the school for a day, then i travel by bus to columbus OH to see Ohio State University. I will see that school on wednesday and fly back to NH on Thursday. Then I will sleep like I have never slept before. Then I mght try to get together with some people and head back to school on sunday. Its a whirlwind tour! But it should be awesome. Alright, well I'll let you know how it goes and if anyone wants to hang out, let me know cause I'll be around like a total of 5 days tops!

Much Love,
Mel

Craziness!

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:36:00 GMT

So the last couple weeks have been totally insane for me. I found out I got into Ohio state, Penn State and Purdue. Penn State and Purdue both invited me to visit and offered me free tuition plus a very nice chunck of cash. I'm still waiting to hear from U of Illinois and U of Michigan.

So I visited Penn State and I fell in love, I want to go there sooo bad. But I feel bad signing on te dotted line when I haven't seen the other schools. So over spring break I will be flying to see Purdue. Ohio state hasn't told me what kind of financial package they can offer me so I am not going to see them until they do.

But yeah in addition to all this everyone wants me to finish my thesis like today, and I'm so not there yet. Oh yeah and I'm taking six classes that are all challenging like Quantum Mechanics and Transport Phenomena. It's crazy.

So yup, Mel's life is out of control and she has no time for anything. But that's the way I like it. Craig was able to come see Penn state with me which was really nice. I won't see him again until April. Sad, but it might be beneficial cause then I can get tons done.

All in all I'm trying not to think about stuff as much as possible. Thinking will only slow me down.

Much love,
Mel

The state of the Mel

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 17:08:43 GMT

I havent written in over two months, wow. So I'm all done applying to graduate school and I am playing the waiting game. Its not fun. I'm taking some very difficult classes this semester including Quantum Mechanics and Transport Phenomenon. Now the interesting thing is that these are not required for my major or my minor, I simply felt like taking them( torturing myself?). But thats where I'm at.

I'm also attempting to finish my thesis and am having motivational problems in that arena. I think its mostly cause i dont want to leave Clarkson and every bit more of my thesis I get done the closer that is. It's kinda giving me an ulcer.

Craig and I are good, I miss him a lot lately. But he should be coming to visit soon so that will be fun. In the meantime I will do tons and tons of homework. As usual.

I visited with Danni over x-mas break and that was awesome!! We talked about tons of things and it was very nice to catch up on her life and the doings in it. I absolutely must come visit you guys when I move away, so we dont lose touch.

I've been volunteering more this semester and I think I might be doing too much. I may have to pull out of a few things, which is sad and will dissapoint some people but I need time to do my homework and more importantly finish that gosh darn thesis. I think most people will understand.

Alright well off to a phone-a-thon, cause Clarkson is awesome and everybody should know! hahaha,

much love,
Mel

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:16:18 GMT

So I realized today that it had been two months since i updated and thats a long time.

My world is as busy as usual, in fact quite busy this particular week. My life seems to have developed a distinct "every other week is insane" pattern. So yup, life is good, Craig visited this past weekend and that was very nice. He and I have decided that he will wait another year before moving out to graduate school with me for many very good reasons. And actually im not that upset about it. I thought I would be, but it just makes sense. This coming summer is going to be wierd as it is.

I'm still in the process of applying to graduate schools and will hopefully finish that up by x-mas break. I have to spend thanksgiving writing my design project and the x-mas break working on my thesis and prepping for some of my spring courses. So my breaks arent turning out to be actual breaks. My parents have been acting a bit strange lately. It's almost like they dont know whether to be parents or friends. They know im going off to graduate school and that I'm not moving back home ever again. And I think this kind of scares them. It kind of scares me lets be honest.

New Hampshire wont be home anymore after this year. Its so very strange. But in other ways its really exciting, because im actually accomplishing what i wanted to. How many people get to say that they have no regrets thus far in life. Well enough of the serious and slightly deep thoughts.

I would love to get together with people over x-mas break as it appears it will be the last time for a long time that I am home. I won't be coming home anytime during the spring semester and may not be coming home after graduation either. So yup, x-mas is it. So let me know if anyone is available to meet up. It would be good times!!

much love,

Mel

I am ruled by my to do list!

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 06:17:49 GMT

So its gotten to the point lately where my to do list is overrunning my planner. There is no room for social events or service events or relaxing, or even some nights sleeping. And then even when there is room for sleeping I'm too stressed to sleep and end up trying to get ahead. Somebody please remind me why I'm doing this. I know there was a reason but at 2 am that reason seems a bit fuzzy.

In other news, I get to see Craig soon and thats exciting. Things there are actually going tons better. This summer was rocky cause I was so lonely and bored and he was sick part of it and feeling blah about everything. But yeah, we talked for like a solid hour and a half the other day about everything and it was really good. I feel more connected to the happenings in his world now and I hope he does to mine.

That's the wierd thing about long term long distance. You each develop your own pattern and seperate world that just doesnt inlcude the other person and sometimes its awkward to talk about cause they're just not a constant part of it. But I think the trick to making it work is to talk about it and get connected to it in some small way.

On a totally different plane, the drama in peoples lives around me has dramatically increased. Some of my friends dont like some others and then there are fights going on between people who generally do like each other. And I'm just standing in the middle going " What!, You have time to fight with people?" Its so odd.

Also I recently got told by a professor that he would not reccomend me for a certain fellowship, because he doesnt feel he could write a qualifying enough letter. He suggested I find someone whom I've worked closer with, which sounds like good advice until I start counting those people and realize there arent that many. It was very frustrating and a bit depressing. I really dont know what to do now.

Well on that slighlty depressing note, I've realized I'm still not at all tired and mind as well invest my time in something studious.
So, Much Love to All, as ususal
Mel

Clarkson

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:36:16 GMT

I love Clarkson, I am back at school and I am coming to realize that this will probably be one of the best years I've ever had. I have a great roommate and an awesome room. My class schedule isn't sooo bad and I've really got a handle on my life.

Which leads to my next realization that I am ridiculously lucky in life. So many of my friends are worse off than me and I can't figure out why I got dealt the good hand, but I'm thankful. I just hope that at some point ill be in a position to share my luck with others.

In less serious news Craig is coming to visit on Friday and I am pumped. I am continuing to apply to graduate school and have my hopes set on Michigan. I geuss that is all for now

Much Love to All

Mel

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:47:46 GMT

So I just realized how very long its been since I posted! Way tooo long!

But anyway this summer for those who are interested I am in Massena, NY just above Potsdam, NY so close to Canada that I can see it out my apartments front window. I am working for Alcoa's waste water treatment plant, helping them to make sure they reach they're target values for pollution in the water we release. Alcoa makes aluminum which then becomes most of the time car tires although some goes into making soda cans or car frames. But we dont make the actual tires or cans at massena we just make giant rolls of aluminum. But yeah its been a pretty boring summer overall. And I can't wait to get home and see everyone in NH.

I have mixed feelings about going back to school this year. Its my last year at Clarkson and that makes me very sad because I've come to love the place sooo much. But I also want to go back because I am a sick sick person and just find school so fun! I really mean it, I thrive on taking classes and struggling in them. As much as I complain about professors and homework I wouldn't have it any other way. But there is also the friends aspect to clarkson that has always made me apprehensive of going back. I mean there are friends there that I love dearly but there are others who just dissapoint me everytime I get my expectations up and thats frustrating.

Things with Craig have been rough lately, maybe its the distance finally getting to us or maybe I'm slowly losing my mind, I'm not sure which but I am going to see him on labor day weekend so hopefully things will get better then.

I'm currently in the process of applying to graduate schools, unfortunately none of my schools are in the New England area. I'm looking at Purdue, University of Illinois, University of Michigan, Penn State and a variety of other smaller schools. But those are my top four. So yup this next year is going to be crazy with the applicatio process, finishing my thesis and I've been elected the president of the chemical engineering honor fraternity on campus so I've got more responsibilities this year as well.

Well I hope that cvers everything as I am now going to be late for work, but its Friday who cares!!

See everyone soon!

Much Love,
Mel

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:41:38 GMT

So it's been a long time since I updated. Things have been pretty hectic. I'm trying to get all the stuff I need to do for grad. school applications and fellowship awards done. It's a lot of stuff. As well as finishing my thesis proposal and keeping up with he intense workload.

I haven't seen Craig in like two months. It is very sad, but I will see him in two weeks and that will be good. I got to see Danni and Sarah when I went home and that was fun. Despite being sick. Sorry guys.

Nothing much new here. Just chuggin along.Craig is enjoying his new job, just got back from Tennesse. I'm trying to get an internship this summer, but its tough. If nothing works out, I might just be sitting at home, working retail again, yuck! So here's to hoping I get an internship!

Well TTFN
Mel

It's been a while

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:28:32 GMT

So it's been a while since I updated.
For all of those who do not know, I'm now engaged to Craig. And we're thinking two to three years away for the wedding.
I'm back at school and things here are good. Much less homework! Much less class and far fewer credits, so thats nice. I'm having trouble getting motivated to be in the lab, but other than that its been great.

Craig just left school yesterday he was up for a visit. I miss him already, well I should be working, break was awesome until I got sick of my mother. Glad to be back. Now I've got to get going as I'm supposed to be doing homework and what not.

end of semester

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:27:48 GMT

Ahh its all over, never again will i do 21 credits. It was a bad idea
Next semester shall be much nicer with 16 credits. hahaha
I can't wait to see all the fun people's at home and get caught up on all the stuff goin on in ur lives. I'm so out of the loop hahaha. Miss you all,
Much love,
Mel

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:59:37 GMT

It's that time of year when I'm procrastinating again. So here I am on livejournal when I should be studying. It turns out I'm going to Craigs for a week before I come home, cause no one is going to be around anyway and I miss my boy a lot. So I'm going there in 6 days and I'm totally pumped. After that I'll be home for x-mas and a couple weeks after. Then I'm back here for another semester. I miss people lots and can't wait to see everyone. So yup, back to studying now.
Much love,
Mel

Thanksgiving weekend

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 18:00:13 GMT

So,
Craig and I went home for break and he asked my parents for permission to marry me and all that. Overall it went well, dad and ben said yes, mom said think about this list of things and then i'll say yes.
Craig and I talked about the list of things and determined that we agreed on all of them. So I geuss it's a yes from my mom, I'm not sure. But he wanted to ask me this weekend and I asked him to wait until at least x-mas. I really want it to be special, and my cousin just got engaged in september, so he said hed wait until at least x-mas.
I wont see him again until he shows up at my house the weekend before x-mas.
I'm very excited for x-mas break and can't wait to see him again. He is perfect for me.

alright , well now its back to the grindstone for three weeks then home again.
See you all when i get home again!!!

Mel

October

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:39:55 GMT

What a very interesting month.

My birthday was both good and sucky,

Good because my parents came and saw me and we had fun and stuff and then there was a fun party at courtney's, yay to fun parties.

And then it sucked cause Craig decided it wasn't important to get me a present, not even a card. I got a phone call, as if I wouldn't have gotten called anyway, we talk everyday.

So yeah. He doesn't get how much i was hurt by that. At all.

And now my cousin Jillian just got engaged, which I am very happy about. Jordan is an amazing guy and they are perfect for each other. But I am also extremely jealous!!!!
Huge green monster.

School as usual is kicking my ass nearly every day. But I think while Craig and I are apart it's good, cause I go to bed so tired that its hard to spend time crying over him not being there. So I dont. Occasionally its too much and i break down, but overall im dealing. Next semester will be better, I only have 16 credits instead of 21. I'm pretty excited about it.

I can't believe its already nearing November. I can't handle how fast this is going. While its good, its also bad because i had goals for grad stuff for this semester and I dont think they're going to happen, I geuss thats what i'll do over christmas break instead of driving myself nutty.

So yeah, I really miss all you guys at home. I know I say that every time. but its true. I wish I had time to call, but my life is soooo busy. I'm taking 21 credits, holdng down two jobs, and doing a long distance relationship and applying for internships for this summer. It's insanity.

alright now its time for bed, somebody call me sometime. I miss talking to u guys about stuff and life and everything.
Much love,
Mel

Craig

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 05:04:37 GMT

Warning: this post is very long-winded and intrapersonal

So lately things with craig have been rocky. We had a huge fight this evening for example, and hes supposed to be coming up to talk about it on Friday. The fight was mostly about the fact that he wouldnt come up and wouldnt make an effort and hadnt done anything for my birthday.

He still hasn't done a single thing for my b-day and I feel less and less confident about how this weekend is going to go.

I really want him to make an effort, to show me that he puts as much time and thought into our relationship as i do. Is this so much to ask? I wonder sometimes. I asked alex and she told me that I should get mad more often, that I let too many things slide. This could be because we are such close friends. I dont know anymore what to think. I just know that I love him and i want to marry him, but i'll only marry him if he is willing to put in the effort it takes to make it work. I have a feeling he doesnt know what that means. It frustrates me. Is this something people learn as they get older and deal with the relationship they're in, or is this something that causes divorces? I wish i knew.

Truly Deep thoughts:

I was just reading through my past entries and i've realized how different i feel about life lately. I think im expecting too much from it. I think i need to go back to where i believed that the world is what u make it. I can't just expect my relationship with craig to be perfect all the time without working at it and compromising. I can't expect a job or perfect grades to just fall into my lap. I need to reach out and grab them. That will be my new spin from now on.

ugh life,
Mel